How do you follow up an epic masterpiece from 1973 starring Christopher Lee, about a group of people who practice ancient pagan rituals on a Scottish island? Even if it were almost 40 years later? Well… It would stand to reason that you make a movie with Christopher Lee about a group of people who practice ancient pagan rituals on a Scottish Island… Well… maybe. However, as my buddy Lee Corso would say: “Not so fast, my friend!”
I’m referring to the film masterpiece from 1973 entitled The Wicker Man. In this film, a police officer was sent from mainland Scotland to a small island called Summerisle. Here, Sergeant Neil Howie is sent in to solve an apparent missing persons case. Without talking too much about the plot (because I’m sure you’ve all seen it), I’ll just say that Sgt. Howie is faced with trials that make him question his strong Christian conviction, and he ends up falling into a trap set by the people of Summerisle.
Fast forward to 2011, we’re introduced to an Evangelical Christian Church from Texas U.S.A. and a young couple, Beth Boothby and Steve Thompson (Played by Brittania Nicol and Henry Garret respectively) who have chosen to visit the heathens of Scotland to bring them the word of Christ. Like in its predecessor, these Christians are taken to a remote Scottish village where the locals practice a form of Paganism.
Now, I’m not going to discuss any of the plot, at least not in an exhaustive way. I will say, however, that there is a famine, of sorts, in the small Scottish village. Unlike in The Wicker Man, this famine is an inability for the women of this small town to conceive children. Much like in The Wicker Man, this famine is what sets the stage for this film and gives us a reason to have the 
Evangelical Missionaries come to the small town.
Written and directed by The Wicker Man‘s director, Robin Hardy (this film was actually based on Hardy’s Novel: Cowboys for Christ), he takes a bit of a different angle with The Wicker Tree. I mean… would it be smart to just do an exact retread of The Wicker Man? Probably not… However, what he did was take enough similarities and create a story unique enough for it to theoretically have the same feel and themes of the original without outright rehashing the original story.
I have to admit… being an utter fanboy of the original, I was anticipating this film from the first time I heard it was in production. However, after seeing this film, I was very disappointed. Some would say that it was inevitable that this film wouldn’t stand up to the level of excitement I had and maybe it was unfair to put such expectations on it. However, though I couldn’t help but continually compare it to the original, there were many things that really got under my skin while watching this film.
The first, and most painfully obvious problem with the film, is the fact that the two Christian missionaries couldn’t have been more wooden and cliche representations of hick, Texas proud, country folk. They were completely unlikeable. In the first hour of the film, I cringed every time they opened their mouths. I don’t know if it was their dialog, so much, as it was the delivery by the actors. In the beginning Sgt. Howie is a likeable, no-nonsense, person who was truly likeable. Now, it’s true that we got to know Howie in a much deeper manner than Beth and Steve, but we did journey with him through the mystery that was Summerisle. He was a complex character, that the audience liked and struggled with. Whereas I wanted Beth and Steve to get their asses burnt after about 10 minutes into the movie.
In The Wicker Man, we had the chance to meet and interact with many of the Summerisle locals. We even got to see one of Christopher Lee’s best performances playing Lord Summerisle. We heard them discuss their beliefs, their rituals, and why they do it. In The Wicker Tree, we have a one-dimensional, mustache twirling, bad guy Sir Lachlan Morrison (Played by Graham McTavish). Instead of being the leader of a group of folks that is willing to go to great lengths to do what is the best interests of their people, Morrison seems to be an uncaring murderer.
In the original, the May Day celebration ritual depended upon Howie’s goodness and uncompromising drive to solve his case, to allow him to come of his own volition to fulfill Lord Summerisle’s ritual. In The Wicker Tree, (SPOILER ALERT) Sir Lachlan Morrison was just going to poison Beth and send her to her fate and cheaply trick Steve to send him to his death (SPOILER OVER). This film had so much less imagination than its predecessor that it left a huge gap in my expectations for this film.
My final gripe about this whole movie, and the thing that inevitably made me lose complete interest, was the way that it seemed to not have any of the suspense of intrigue of the original. There was plenty of nudity… but mostly in a tribal dancing savage way instead of the overwhelmingly sensual way that the original was full of. My pulse never pounded, my eyebrows never raised. Hardy seemed more interested in humiliating the Evangalical Christian cardboard-cutout characters by showing how easy it was to tempt them and expose their hipocracy, than to actually make these character “real” people with struggles and humanity.
This isn’t all bad. There are solid performances by many of the cast (like I said, neither of those solid performances was by Brittania Nicol or Henry Garret), and Honeysuckle Weeks is super-hot. There are moments of genuine humor… and did I mention Honeysuckle Weeks is super-hot? However, it wasn’t nearly enough to salvage this film… not even close.
Oh… and one more thing… Christopher Lee was in one short scene as a cameo. Apparently he injured himself and wasn’t able to take on the role he was offered of Morrison and had to settle for the short scene he was in. I’m not sure if he could have saved this film because of the writing… so I guess it’s just as well he didn’t have much to do with it.
Actually… you know who could have made this film better? Nicholas Cage… yeah… I said it…
So… is it a good sign, or a bad sign, when you’re not even two minutesw into your horror movie and you’re already laughing your spleen out?
I’ll tell you in about 90 minutes. Oh, and this is probably the point where I should mention that I’ve got a heavy duty dose of the really strong cough meds at play, as well as a shot of Nyquil, so if I get punchy throughout the review, let’s blame everybody’s good friend codeine, shall we?
What I’m going to tell you now is that I’m trying something a little different for reviewing a film. I’m not going to watch this movie and let it digest for a while before I put my words down, because I happen to be watching it at home this time. I’ve finally gotten a chance to watch Grave Encounters, a Tribeca Film Festival found footage goodie based on the concept that a ghost hunting reality show went horribly, horribly wrong.
This is actually where the laughter comes in. As you may or may not know, I am a peripheral member of the paranormal podcasting community along with the horror podcasting community. I enjoy shows like Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, and Paranormal State, and I was a regular commentator on Eerie Radio. I know that the paranormal reality shows are cheesy, but some of them are cheesier than the others.
Paranormal State is particularly bad in this regard; in one episode, they clearly identified the Jersey Devil on infrared camera! Of course, the Jersey Devil happens to bear a shocking resemblance to a white tailed deer, but that doesn’t diminish the importance of their discovery. Similarly, and far less debatable, was an episode wherein Ryan Buell, the host, clearly pulls a door shut and then accuses supernatural forces of slamming it in his face. The best part is that, especially as the series has moved on, the show seems to constantly be encountering demonic forces, uncovering Satanic cults in churches, even identifying a prison where guards, prisoners, probably even the warden were all members of a grand Cult of Satan!
This is a paranormal reality show where they have had recurring villains for Pete’s sake. It makes The Devil Inside look positively tame and mundane by comparison. Even the opening lines are melodramatic… but why take my word for it? You can go watch the opening on Netflix any time you want, at the moment! You can even catch our feature for the evening, because it just went to streaming in the last day or two!
But, if you don’t want to do that, then here y’go. Basically, they have a few title cards, and then do a preview of major elements coming up in the show. And then we get the following monologue:
“My name is Ryan, and I’m a paranormal investigator. When I was a kid, my experiences with the supernatural terrified me, and I’ve been searching for answers ever since. When I got to Penn State, I realized I wasn’t alone in my quest, so I founded the Paranormal Research Society, dedicated to helping those who are haunted like I was. We are students. We are seekers. And sometimes, we’re warriors. And each time we help someone, I feel like I’m one step closer to finding the truth. This… is Paranormal State.”
Heck, it sounds like it could be the opening to Supernatural or X-Files or something like that, almost.
“But Wolfemann,” you’re saying, “you’re here to review Grave Encounters, not Paranormal State! What’s taking so long?”
Well… here’s the opening we get from Lance Preston, our would-be host of Grave Encounters, in the movie of the same name.
“My name is Lance Preston. When I was a boy, my family moved into a house that I soon discovered was haunted. The things that I encountered… have stayed with me forever.”
The similarity to the opening of Paranormal State, particularly the gravitas that Lance is bringing to things, and the fact that Lance is a dead ringer for an older Ryan Buell with Sexy Hollywood Stubble, tells me that I’m about to watch a film about Ryan, Chip, Sergey, and the rest of the Paranormal State gang getting themselves et by real ghosties.
Would somebody please tell me why this didn’t get a mainstream theatrical release again?
So… disappointments in theatrical distribution aside, let’s actually try reviewing the film we’re all here for, shall we?
Title: Grave Encounters (2011)
Release Date: 9/9/11
Gross: N/A (No Theatrical Release)
Production Company: Twin Engine Films
Director: The Vicious Brothers
Writer: The Vicious Brothers
Starring: Sean Rogerson (Lance), Juan Riedinger (Matt), Ashleigh Gryzko (Sasha), Mackenzie Gray (Houston)
Short Summary: Paranormal investigators go into a haunted asylum for their reality show. Will they come out? Well… it is a found footage film, folks. Do these ever end well?
The Venue: My place. Plopped down in front of my computer. Typing all of this out and only just realizing that I’ve already spent an hour and a half writing the review and we’re not even two minutes into the film yet. Woah.
The Trailers: Tribeca Film Festival ads for The Bleeding House (reviewed on Scream Queenz by the lovely Patrick!), NEDS (a coming-of-age in lower-class England film, I think), and Fire in Babylon (a film that actually makes cricket look interesting! Looks kinda like baseball, except the pitcher is actually trying to hit the batter in the face with his balls. And yes, I’m going to leave that typo in there. This is the Corpse Collective, after all.)
Final Verdict: I’ll be passing that question off to Future Wolfemann. Future Wolfemann?
“Don’t you hear them? Crawling in the bushes, in the walls, under the floor! They hunt, they seek, sleek, lean, and athirst! The Black Goat sheds her thousand young and rises to the stars! IA! IA CTHULHU FTHAGN! IA IA, CTHULHU FTHAGHN!“
Hmm. I’m not sure yet, but I think I might gone a little too far into the future to get that final verdict. We’ll check back in when the actual film is finished, shall we?
(Not-Quite-So-Future Wolfemann says: Actually, it’s pretty good. If, like me, you love to hate the paranormal reality TV shows, you’ll probably really love it. If not, pick it up in about Scene 4 and you’ll probably enjoy it. I’m going to buy it, but I’m the guy this movie was made to amuse most. Some flaws, but The Devil Inside this ain’t, in all the best ways.)
Are you getting this on the tape? I hope so, because I’m not going to go back and do this spoiler shit again, you got me?
Okay, so the film opens up in the office of this network bigwig who’s telling us that, one day, he got the promo to this new show, Grave Encounters. After a bit of explanation, we cut to the promo, discussed above. Then we’re back to the exec, who tells us that everything was going great, filming was working out… and then they got to Episode 6. He gives us, in-film, the spiel about “I want to be perfectly clear. What you’re about to see is not a movie,” yada-yada. They’re really pushing the idea that this actually happened, to an extent that even The Devil Inside didn’t go for, and completely beyond anything Paranormal Activity may have ever done. Not quite as far as Blair Witch, but probably because they knew they wouldn’t get away with that.
Then we cut to the 91 minute Assembly Edit of Episode 6, which takes place at the fictional Collingswood Mental Hospital, based loosely off the Collingswood Stockade from Australia (long since converted into a state school.)
[Full disclosure; I may have fallen asleep at this point in the movie, but that's the cold medicine talking, not the movie. Picking things up where we left off....]
Lance explains to us that his crew is going to be locked inside the asylum for 8 hours in the evening (calling out Zach Galligan and Ghost Adventures), and meets with a local historian to learn about the background of the hospital. I suspect that some stock footage may have been used from Geraldo’s exposé of similar ‘hospitals,’ though I’m not sure about that. And then we’re told about Dr. Vanacutt Friedkin, whom I suspect to be our villain of the evening.
We enter the hospital, and there’s a dropped line about a fire hazard that I’m certain won’t come back up later in the film, especially with a tech guy who’s having regular nic fits. Speaking with the caretaker of the hospital, we’re shown some of the setup for the evening, and encounter my favorite part so far; a room where the patient scrawled his ramblings on the wall all over the place. More exploration of the hospital during the day follows, the usual sort of thing that we see on the paranormal reality shows while they establish the background.
What I’m enjoying in the course of this is the growing split that I’m starting to see in the team. Lance is walking around, completely psyched about the perfect conditions for the show and already thinking about how they can “fix it in post” to make it even spookier. By contrast, Sasha seems to be tuning into the fact that they’re profiting off the suffering and deaths of hundreds, even thousands of psychiatric patients who were shuttled off by their families to be locked away out of site and out of mind for the rest of their lives.
Probably the most telling moment is when Lance gets the bright idea to go talk to the gardener… who proceeds to say that, no, he hasn’t really heard anything, or seen anything strange at all. He just started working here. Lance proceeds to encourage him to make something up for the camera, even paying him to do so. Never mind that he’s already got several people giving their stories, he has to get that one more bit of “evidence.” But, then, what do shows like this have petty cash funds for, right?
We then meet the show’s psychic, Houston Gray, who’s somewhere between Al Pacino, Willem Dafoe, and a seriously overused bottle of suntan lotion. He comes on in, dramatic and serious, giving them the readings they’re looking for, and even spontaneously tells them the story of a patient who killed herself in one of the tubs (which the caretaker told us earlier in the film). After the cut, he’s laughing and checking to see if he’d laid it on a bit thick, only to be reassured that, no, he was great.
We’re slowing down for a bit now, so I’ll chit-chat about what makes the film work so far. The interesting thing right now is that the concept excuses a lot of the conceits that you have to work into this type of film. If you had a found footage film that was, say, Survivor meets Zombi 2, you couldn’t have “Episode 6″ feature a drawn-out explanation of the show’s rules; everybody knows them by then.
But the ghost hunting shows seem to rely on the fact that significant parts of the audience aren’t going to necessarily be sticking around long enough to have watched since Season 1, when they explained what an electromagnet field (EMF) meter was and why it provided evidence of potential ghostly activity. Since the shows will constantly pad themselves out by explaining what EMF meters are, or what EVP stands for (electronic voice phenomena), the movie has a license to do the same without running into the problem a found footage film about serious ghost hunters would. Namely, “why are you telling your friends what the machines they’ve used a hundred times before are used for?”
In case you’re wondering yourselves, I’ll chitchat a bit about that later on myself.
Now, we’re into the actual lockdown portion of the show, and I’m having fun. I suspect this is where we get into the part of the movie where most people start to say “it’s a good 45 minute move stretched out to 90 minutes.” But for me, this is the sort of cheese I occasionally turn to on Biography when I’m bored on the weekend. Great theater? Nope. Still fun? Yep. Especially since, with this being a found footage film and all, I know that everything they do to make these people seem more hopelessly cynical will end with them finding out that It Is Very Real.
Also: My predictions for how the film ends. Matt is going to end up burned to death (or, alternately, the entire asylum will burn down). Sasha is going to end up scrawling on the walls, or at least rocking back and forth in the room with the writing there, completely insane. Lance is going to end up dead in the suicide tub. Still figuring out what’ll happen to Houston and TC (the cameraman… and if this name doesn’t stand for exactly that, I’ll be shocked,) but I’m pretty sure one of them is going to take a header out of the window.
Speaking of which, we just had something really happen! Callback to Paranormal Activity 2, with the switching from one camera to another… callback to PA1 with the bass track… and something new of their own, as the camera gets some interference going before we see the window swing open.
Cut back to Lance and crew, as they’re discovering what might be “residual ectoplasm” with the aid of a blacklight. Sorry to tell you boys, but that’s probably not so much residual ectoplasm as a couple of high school kids who didn’t clean up after themselves. While TC is out catching some stock shots they can use, he find a wheelchair, and during a cell phone conversation where he explains to his daughter that monsters aren’t real, the wheelchair scootches around behind him a bit without his noticing. That might be what ends up getting him, but it’s not quite blatant enough.
Things start picking up pretty quickly from there, with doors closing and opening, loud noises, and Sasha’s hair getting moved around. When that happens, Sasha’s pretty well going bye-bye; she’s the believer in the group, and when something touches her, she has the very reasonable idea of Getting the Hell Out. Of course, the front door has been locked and chained now, so that’s not too helpful.
I like this. It’s perfectly clear, right here, right now, that nobody was prepared for this. Lance is still desperately trying to keep control, focusing on the fact that they’ve just gotten real proof of paranormal activity, and that this is a major breakthrough. Sasha, TC, and Houston all want to leave, now. The expression on Houston’s face when he comes back up from taking Sasha to the lobby is perfect; a sort of blank, vacant “we are so fucked right now” look that’s exactly the sort of thing I’d expect your average fake psychic to have after encountering something real.
They try to get it to act up again but, of course, it doesn’t. I’m particularly amused when Lance, with a spiked, very short haircut, tells the ghost to manipulate *his* hair like it did Sasha’s. Unbeknownst to them, Lance does catch an apparition on the still camera, before deciding that they’re going to pack up and just wait out the last hour and a half before the caretaker comes back to open up. Given there’s not even another full hour of the movie left… well… I don’t think it’s going to work out quite that well for them.
And, indeed, they manage to get themselves lost trying to get back out to the front lobby. They seem to be completely cut off from contact with Matt and Sasha down front. They actually do find their way back down, surprising me a bit, but let’s see what happens from here, shall we?
Matt goes up to start collecting the static cams, and unless my ears deceive me they’re playing that lovely little bass track in the background! Matt finds the open window and closes it… and that’s when I know we’re hearing the bass track in the background.
Going back to the lobby, Lance is signing off for the show, the radios aren’t working, and Sasha points out that they really do have to go back for the cat, err, Matt. They find his equipment scattered, and Lance continues with his track record of brilliant ideas by sending TC off down one hallway, and taking Sasha with him (Houston having stayed down stairs). We follow TC for a bit, and something pushes him down the stairs. Again beating the horror movie odds, he survives this little run-in, though not without a serious amount of getting beaten up on the way down.
TC freaks out (understandably) and since the caretaker’s late he decides to break down the door… which is when we have what is, so far, my favorite moment of the film. I’m not laughing anymore, but I am grinning as they break down the door only to find another hallway on the other side… along with the graffiti that they saw on the way in and the chain the caretaker had through the handles of the door.
They kick down a door clearly marked exit… and it’s another hallway. They reach one of the barred windows, and can’t really get out. It’s a hefty drop from the open window upstairs, but there’s one tiny little issue besides that… it’s still night out. At almost 8:00 in the morning.
The next day passes, and basically we just watch things progressively getting worse. There’s no way out, hospital beds are moving around, and one of the friendlier ghosts decides to hold a conversation, scratching out the word ‘hello.’
On Sasha’s back.
A bit more searching for Matt, and we come across a figure in the corner. Well… it’s not Matt, and I’m pretty sure that Josh’s face can’t do what this girl’s does, and the Grave Encounters crew seems to agree with me as they turn and run screaming from the howling apparition. TC, Lance, and Sasha disappear into the closet, leaving Matt wandering in pitch blackness with nothing but the static cams to occasionally pick him up.
He’s also occasionally being picked up by the ghosts, which eventually settle for throwing him down the hallway and shorting out the camera.
Cutting back to the last three, we get Lance looking like he’s about to do the Confession Scene from Blair Witch, though he doesn’t go into the same histrionics. That’s Sasha’s job, when they all wake up later to find that they’ve been outfitted with patient wristbands… going to dock the film a couple of points for that, I’m afraid, because I’m pretty sure those wristbands weren’t in use when the hospital closed in the 60′s. I could be wrong though.
There are a few nice scare scenes here, leading up to our discovering where Matt is. I have to say that I’m enjoying the tension through this, even broken up by cutting out to work on the review.
Come questionable CGI, though in night vision it works out pretty well, and TC ends up disappearing into the tub (well, I was presumably wrong about Lance getting it in there, but who knows?)
It looks like what’s happening is that some spirit (Doctor Friedkin, I presume) has sealed off the hospital and is having his assorted lunatic ghosts bring him new patients, like Matt. We don’t get this confirmed, at least not yet, but we’re seeing a lot more in the way of freaky ass spirits and… Matt just took a header down an elevator shaft. Well, that’s another one wrong!
They find their way down into the tunnels, and Sasha starts vomiting up blood for no apparent reason. She’s checking out, but it’s taking a long time. Over the course of… who knows how long, really, the two of them apparently keep walking in one direction, only to not get anywhere, and to remain within view of the static cam left at the end of the hallway, so that’s kind of weird too. About 10 minutes to go here….
Some sort of gas flows down the hallway, blocking our vision through the static cam… and Sasha’s gone when it clears! Lance goes running off to look for her, and his flashlight dies. Lance, desperate, tries to get an EVP again… and actually gets a result, but not the one he probably wanted, given it involves people screaming insanely on the other end.
Lance is starting to freak out and… EWWWWW!
Okay, folks, be warned. There’s a rat eating scene in here. Though it’s kinda funny how obviously they cut and replaced the rat with a flattened prop (obviously they had to do that, but really, there’s no way to do that shot without making it blatant, so just don’t do it….)
After a bit of that, Lance finds himself a door and goes through, only to find evidence of sadistic, horrific experiments, and then go looking for the source of what sounds like it might be Sasha sobbing. He finds a lobotomy needle… more evidence that Very Bad Things were happening here… correction, VERY Very Bad Things….
More ghosts, Lance gets it, and… end.
Well. Actually, that was a lot better than I thought. I’m guessing that the folks who say the movie should’ve been about half this long were talking about the first half. The first half of the film, where they’re setting everything up, is only going to appeal to a limited audience. I just happen to be that exact audience – the guy who’ll be laughing his ass off and eagerly waiting to see all Hell break loose.
If you’re *not* that guy, then I suggest you get the Cliff’s Notes version of scenes 1-3, and pick up at “Undeniable Proof,” when the shit starts hitting the fan. You’ll notice that my notes got less detailed as it went along; that’s because I really didn’t want to break out of the scene to write down that much.
It’s not a perfect film though. They did have me on every one of the deaths; what I thought they were setting up wasn’t at all what happened, and I give them credit for that. The problem, the real problem, is that they drop things. There’s not so much as a *peep* about the writing on the walls of the guy’s cell once all Hell breaks loose, despite the fact that the clearest stuff there was about demons inside the walls. I think they intended to call back to it with what we discover in the very end – hints of Satanic rituals conducted in the lower levels – but it could’ve been done much better. Similarly, the fire hazard never pays off, and neither does the window that keeps opening.
There’s pretty much nothing here for the gorehounds, and if you’re hoping to see Sasha’s assets, it ain’t happening, but that’s almost to be expected. The good news is that I could see this film playing on TV with almost no edits. It hasn’t been rated, but except for the rat eating I don’t think there’s anything that would need to go. And, frankly, the rat eating isn’t exactly a key sequence, given it has zero impact on the rest of the story. That bit could probably have been cut with no loss, and made the film flow a lot better, since it slows down to creepy shit again right afterwards.
Ultimately though, it’s worth watching. And if I weren’t already at 7 pages and 4000 words, I’d go off a bit into the ghost hunting stuff that I mentioned earlier… but, instead, I think I’ll save that for another post, if anybody’s interested in a layman’s view of the hazards to happy haunter hunters.
Howlingly yours,
The Wolfemann
In The Wicker Man, we had the chance to meet and interact with many of the Summerisle locals. We even got to see one of Christopher Lee’s best performances playing Lord Summerisle. We heard them discuss their beliefs, their rituals, and why they do it. In The Wicker Tree, we have a one-dimensional, mustache twirling, bad guy Sir Lachlan Morrison (Played by Graham McTavish). Instead of being the leader of a group of folks that is willing to go to great lengths to do what is the best interests of their people, Morrison seems to be an uncaring murderer.
OK kids, this week’s show is a bit of a rush job. I a medical issue this week and some extra stuff at work, so you won’t get a lot of my witty banter this time, but we do have a movie for your viewing pleasure.